Round the merry go round

It's a Saturday evening, and here I am sitting in my room, reading football news about the on going transfer market and what not, when I suppose to be studying for my accounting and economics midterm this coming monday and tuesday respectively. I'm pretty nervous, haven't done any accounting paper in my life, and I must admit, it's kinda scary. Haha!

Wern Eik, you've gotta help me! Please? Haha! Oh wells, I guess there wouldn't be time for that, but whatever it is, wish me all the best and maybe during that moment a little bit of your knowledge will be passed on to me! :).

It feels quite intimidating to know that younger students are doing the same things as you are doing, and that just means that they are much faster than I am in terms of getting a degree, but at the same time, it means that I have to fight with these people for job opportunities next time! Dampens my confidience. Next time I'll just migrate to somewhere quiet, to a place without the news of the world, then I would be live a peaceful life without the need to worry about the happenings of the world and just live life on my own pace.

Then again, who would I be kidding?

And the whole process repeats itself again. As idoitic as it sounds, every once in awhile I tend to want to have things which I feel is not needed. Haha. If you even get me there. I'm just gonna stop here. Lost my train of thoughts. Too bad.

Till then

XOXO.

haha!

Grace

Dear Grace,

You have been/are a huge part of my life and I have had many great moments and memories with you. Though we’ve only been together for a little more than 6 months, it feels like we’ve been together for a very long time.

It’s already 7 in the morning, and I’m barely able to sleep, and that’s because I can’t stop thinking about you. In fact, I think I’m crazy about you. Words can’t describe the feelings that I have for you. I’m just at a lost for words whenever you ask me “why do you love me?” That’s because I can’t seem to find the perfect word to describe how I actually feel for you.

I know that I have not actually been very public about you on my blog since the beginning, I guess I just felt vulnerable being exposed to the world like that, it took me some time to overcome that feeling of being vulnerable and now I finally found the right moment to write…

about you.

I remembered that I made a promise to write a post for you a long time ago. And maybe you have gave up hope on receiving a post on you, but I just want to let you know, that I have never forgotten the promise that I gave to you. It might not be what you actually expected, but I hope it means something to you.

Grace, you have truly been a great friend, a great listener, an ever understanding person who is willing to tell the truth bluntly even if it hurts. And that's a sign of a true friend. : ) You have also been a great encouragement to me each time you successfully achieve something that you put your heart to. And it encourages me to strive towards the things that I thought I would never be able to do. I guess I failed to acknowledged you for that, but it has definitely made me stronger each single time.

Do you ever realise that each time you’re near me, my heart beats faster. Even after such a long period of time, it has never failed to beat faster each time you’re around me. That’s just shows how much it means to have you around me that I get all anxious and excited it’s rather frightening.

At times I may be a huge ass who calls you names which you really despise. It irritates and pisses you off and I never fail to repeat such act of stupidity! Curse me! Blame me for being an idiot. But what really amazes me, is your ability to be patient with me and just hold it all in even though I know that you’re not exactly the person who has high toleration rate when it comes to things which makes you angry.

I believe that there are actually tons of guys waiting out there eagerly wanting to go after you, but yet you choose to be with me. And for that, I want you to know that it means the world to me to have you in my life. The small little things that you do may seem rather effortless to you, but I want you to know that those small little things have a huge impact on me. I also want you to know that I love you for who you are,not only the outside but also the inside, it comes in a package. :)

It has definitely been a great 6 months together, and you know what? I am already looking forward for many more years to come. To be there for one another whatever the situation we are in. You make me head of heels for you by just being who you are, and I love you for being you.

p/s: I hope you had a good sleep. :) Can't wait to see ya. Lovee!

Something's Missing

John Mayer's - Something's missing has been playing through my Itunes. Hence the title. And hence this post. Since the Subang boy has complaint that I haven't been updating my blog in awhile. So nahhh, give you a post to read la.

It's been a pretty while since I last got all emotional and wrote down what my heart feels. Obviously it's a good thing, but somehow I feel this awkwardness inside of me. Like that part of me has suddenly gone missing.

Sometimes it's nice to read emotional post especially when you know what is happening and what's going on when the other party thinks that no one knows what he or she is going through! Haha, I'm a sadist. I know, but somehow I find that entertaining and sometimes, that's where I get my inspiration from.

Gahh, I miss that emotional side.

No emo most.

Too bad.

Blame myself for being so emotionless.

Cause and Effect

I always prefer to have a plan ahead of me before I indulge into certain things which needs commitment. I usually examine the pros and cons before making my decision. That really just shows that I'm not much of a risk taker. Some may say that I live on the safe side in life, but I guess its better safe and stable rather than fast and dangerous. Therefore, I always like to have a plan ahead of me so that I don't go off tracked.

Well, most of us would love to have our plans executed the way we planned it to be, but most of the time that is not the case. For example, at the beginning of a school year, I am always motivated to do my best in my subjects and assignments, but as the week goes by, I get sidetracked by all sorts of entertainment and demoralised by the piles of assignment which never seem to end. Then I lose the motivation to study as hard because I've already messed up and I'm already way behind the lecturer. What's the point, right? Furthermore, what's worse, exams, did not do as well as I expected. Get results back, rant about how bad it is, regret that I did not give my full effort and lastly, make resolutions on how I am going to buck up the next semester. And I go through the same cycle once again. Sounds familiar?

Life's pretty much the same. And at times we face challenges which may seem so difficult to overcome, at times we give up, but its those moments when we persevere and push forth that we grow stronger than before. I always ask myself, am I willing to step out of my so called "plan" and make necessary changes when things don't seem to work the way I planned it to be or am I just going to stick to my plan and hope that other things may change? Both actions have different consequences and am I willing to take the risk to change my plan at that very moment? Cause and effect.

I believe that everyone of us get sidetracked at times, but I guess in the end its not about what happened along the way, but what's the result at the end of the day. Whether I achieved what I intended to achieve or did I fall short and disappoint myself? Those questions have always played through my mind, each action that I take would have different cause and effects, and sometimes knowing what's around the bend benefits, but what if I do not have any clue about what's ahead? How then am I suppose to make my decisions? Critical thinking. Critical thinking.

I hate it. I hate being in a dilemma. Choices. Damn. It takes up so much energy sometimes that it drains you physically and mentally. Gahhh! I guess I'm gonna stop now. Head pain. Zzz.

Later

Emptiness within Fullness

You know when I was growing up, I used to have this four-in-one board game set which includes, chess, the star game - where you must get all your members from one triangle to the other triangle on the other side of the board, and another game which me and my siblings used to call home - the game which you go around the board to reach to the check point a.k.a. home, and when you roll the dice and get the number 6, you get to put another player in the game, well that's basically the gist of that game. And now, if you can remember, there was one more game which no one I know - up till these day actually knew how to played that game. It's rather confusing and it does not have that attraction which makes the game rather invisible. Or you could say that it has been set to "appear offline mode" on a 24/7 basis. Can you guess what game I am talking about? 

Its..

..

...

backgammon.

even till this day, I have not met anyone who can confidently say that they know how to play this game. It's quite ironic that we are able to play all the other games on the board and yet we are able to ignore this game without even having the urge to know more about that game. It's as though it would have made no difference if the board game set came without that it. Oh well, I did read up a little bit about that game on wikipedia. And apparently it has much to do with strategy planning and all. With all said, I'm still not convinced that it is actually fun to play and furthermore, I still have that feeling that it would turn out the way I expected it to be. Boring. Though, I would want to give it a try.

 

Anyhoo, does anyone want to learn to play backgammon together? 

five!

It's the year of 5 for my family and me!

It's my mom and stepdad's 5th wedding anniversary this year!
It's also my stepdad's company 5th as well!
5 years I've been staying in this condominium
My mom would reach the BIG 50 come August!
My dad turns 65 come October!
My niece turns 5 come November!
I turn 20 come October!

All in the multiples of 5!

Good thing comes in 3 as they say, but better things come in 5!

"Rape the wall, not the kids".